Well, you may be wondering what I am doing with a VB section on this cool QBasic website.  Well, I don't know either.  You see, because I program (you'd better believe it!!  It takes a man to program in VB!!!) in VB, the chances of me actually having a brain are slim.  You see, I believed Microsoft and paid $10,000 dollars for a program that I thought to be cool, and it killed my brain.  Wow, look!!!  This takes sooo much brains!!!  It's not easy pasting all those buttons to those forms!!!  (But it's not like my program does anything signifigant anyway...)

VB!!!  Microsoft wants you to think that you are as smart as them!!!  Yes, that's right mister newbie, you can make a worthless program all by your very own self!!!  One that even requires Windows!!!  It doesn't even have any power to it either!!!  (WOW!!!  It's just like using someone else's LIBs in QBasic!!!)

I'm playin' with the big "programmers" now!!!  Woohoo!!!  I'm a hacker!!! (I'm so stupid that I don't even know that the correct term is "cracker"!!!)  And do you know what?  Just yesderday I figured out how to open the cupholder on my computer!!! (Too bad it broke)  Well, what do you know?  My program is slow!!  That must meen that with my complex (nonexistant) brain, it's almost too much for the computer to handle!!!  Well, gotta go, My "programmin' skills are needed!!!

Deefmaster announces new VB version:

Microsoft announced that shipping for the new version of Visual Basic will begin today. Let me give you some information on it.

The new version of Visual Basic carries on the tradition of easy programming. They have decided to clean it up a bit, and remove all of the junk that used to be required. Learning the language is easier than ever, I can teach it to you right now, all 10 commands. It does EVERYTHING for you, and fits on two sets of only twenty five compact disks. Setup takes only about three days, if you have a really good machine.

The new commands:

MakeProgram - starts a new program. type this in and use the following commands with it.

MakePrettyColors - makes the windows of your program look the way you want them to. the designs are classic, regular, and holy **** thats a nice looking window.

MakeBusinessApp - makes a business program for you. choose from a chart program, a spread sheet program, and many other programs that are used for business purposes.

MakeGame - makes a game for you. choose from chess, tic tac toe, hangman, bill gates monopoly, shoot everything in sight, and many other classic games. They can be changed around with various switches.

MakeGoodGraphics - makes good graphics

MakeSumptinelse - make a different program. type in what you want after this command, and it will make it.

Putmynamein - gives you full credit for the program. brag on qbasic web sites about how great a programmer you are...only you will know the truth.

MakePrettyMusic - adds classical pieces of music to your program. choose from mozart, giordani, salieri, iron maiden, anthrax, yngwie malmsteen and many more.

DoChores - does all of your chores, and cooks a home cooked meal in seconds.....it even does your homework.

Testyerprogram - like the F5 button, this command runs the program to make sure you like what you see. if you do, at the end of the program click yes when it asks if you want to compile.

EXAMPLE CODE:

MakeProgram
'start everything

MakePrettyColors (classic,regularms)
'choose window type, moveable & sizeable

MakePrettyMusic(slayer)
'play music

MakeGame(violent, nudity;rpg;"KILL")
'make an RPG called kill that contains violence and nudity

MakeGoodGraphics(3D, kick###)
'make 3D kick### graphics

PutMyNameIn(deefmaster)
'gives you all of the credit

TestYerProgram
'make sure you like it

then compile, and you have an RPG!!! and the executables only require one file, BSprogrun700.dll which is a microscopic 400 meg run time file. WOW!

According to Bill Gates, the idea came to him when he talked in an AOL chatroom. People asked him why they should have to work on a program. Yeah, he though, why should they do anything? So, he set to work.

Minimum Requirements:

Five (5) Gigs memory
2,501 mhz processor
Windows 2000
Four (4) CD ROM drives 95x
45,000 Gigs Hard Disk space

and that is it!! its a poor man's delight...retail price $25,000 dollars...network edition $250,000, and $100 for each user. They're almost giving it away!

So, be on the lookout for this one, buy it and you will..er...won't regret it!

A typical VB Help Hotline telephone call:

microsoft>Hello?
vb user>You gotta help me!
microsoft>okay, calm down sir. what is the problem?
vb user>i was making my game and i clicked the wrong clicky thingy and now my screen is black!
microsoft>sir, what are you talking about?
vb user>my computer is dead!
microsoft>are you sure? did it become unplugged?
vb user>no.
microsoft>everything is plugged in?
vb user>yeah it says junk on the screen.
microsoft>junk?
vb user>yeah, like windows 98 and stuff.
microsoft>what did you click to get there?
vb user> i tried to click start and on a program, but it died instead.
microsoft>ohhhh....sir, you are in DOS mode.
vb user>DOSS? what is DOSS?
microsoft>you see the C prompt, right?
vb user>see prompt? what is see prompt?
microsoft>the white thing written on the top of the screen that is a capital C, a semicolon, a backslash and an arrow.
vb user>oh...yeah i see it.
microsoft>good. now type in exit.
vb user>ok....wait...how do you spell that? eggs it?
microsoft>stupid retard.... exit stupid, exit!
vb user>oh. i'll exit. ok, i'm outside.
microsoft>you idiot! get back over to the computer.
vb user>ok, i'm here.
microsoft>type in the word exit. e-x-i-t.
vb user>ok, i typed it
microsoft>now press enter.
vb user>ok it works! *click*
microsoft>*sigh*, *click*